Incompatible
by halomind
Summary: Two different worlds, two types of magic, both deemed incompatible. It is now up to the Charmed Ones and the Order of the Phoenix to team up and destroy Voldemort due to incredibly farfetched but hilarious events. TEMPORARILY DISCONTINUED
1. Budget Cuts

Full Summary: The Charmed witches of San Francisco are entering the uncalled for ninth season of _Charmed_, where they face the thing that almost ended them years before: budget cuts. When they soon realize their world is shrinking, characters are disappearing, and time is running out, a very odd animal OC comes with a desperate invitation sent from the world of _Harry Potter_. When one group uses wands, the other uses rhymes, and elders are no longer the only people who wear robes on a daily basis, what does all of this sum up to? Incompatible.

Disclaimer: Yes, I was in that commercial. Wait, that wasn't the question? Oh... right. I don't own any legal rights to Charmed or Harry Potter, nor do I ever dare intend to make profit off of these odd ramblings called my parody. Yeah. What up.

**Author's Note**:

Well... here's the thing: my first fanfiction I ever posted on here went virtually unnoticed, so I was pissed about that. Then I came to terms with the fact that it was overly dramatic and probably never going to be finished. Now I'm trying my hand at something a little less serious and a little more wtf. So here it is, my area of expertise.

Also, I dedicate this story to anyone else who strongly disliked that Phoebe **had to go to "trial"** and lose her powers. I also dedicate this story to anyone who is currently feeling depressed, grieving the loss of someone or something important to them, or is just not feeling like themselves. Here as I see it, the best medicine, second to chocolate covered raisins, is humor. So if you're feeling low, I hope this can help ease your transition into feeling better. If this made you at least crack a grin (especially a coy grin) then my work is done.

P.S. No owls, gerbils, cats, or teddybears were harmed in the making of this fanfiction. For serious.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Budget Cuts**

San Francisco, California, USA; October 2006

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The Halliwell house rested on Prescott Street in a serene, early morning quiet. _Too_ quiet, that is.

Phoebe sat up in her bed, kind of like how a vampire rises from a coffin. Something deep stirred her. She felt oddly out of place, even in sleep. She felt as if an unseen number of people were missing and that their absence was deeply affecting her.

She smiled as a way to forget about her strange awakening, and hopped out of bed to begin her day.

By the time she got to the bathroom, her smile was for naught. While she was in the shower, the water gradually became colder, ALL the lights in the bathroom went out, and the hair dryer was switched with a cardboard replica. Down to her last hope, with the aid of a nearby flashlight, she saw that there were no bath towels, only highly realistic, life-sized portraits of towels painted in the cupboards.

"What the hell?" She grumbled on her soaking way out to her bedroom. Everyone in the household has already seen her naked at least once, so it didn't faze her too much to walk uncovered the whole fifteen steps back to her room. Besides, she was already at her door when she remembered she forgot her bathrobe in the bathroom. Oh, well.

She grudgingly used her blanket as a towel when she arrived. No matter, she would just get dressed and find her sisters. To her horror, though, when she opened up her closet, all she could see were her old outfits – as in from six years ago – as in short skirts, halter tops, stripper shoes, and even a dominatrix outfit.

"Oh, god."

_Downstairs_

Piper stood in the kitchen working at the stove, joined by Paige at the table, who was reading a contract that had appeared on top of the Book of Shadows that morning.

"Whoa," they heard Phoebe utter from the doorway.

Piper glanced at her sister, clad in the longest black skirt she could find, a tight camisole, and heels, and then went back to her bubbling pot. "I see your wardrobe has changed, too."

"Why are the stairs _right_ next to the kitchen? Wasn't there a sitting room and a hallway before?"

"Budget cuts," said Piper, who was lucky to have found her black t-shirt and jeans instead of something as skimpy as her sisters.

"What was that?"

"Hey guys?" Piper rolled her eyes and Paige looked up from the thick packet of paper.

Billie walked in next to Phoebe, looking uncharacteristically anxious. "I can't do backflips anymore! Phoebe, did a stripper dress you this morning?"

"Thanks a lot," she muttered before walking to the kitchen table.

"We know, Billie," Piper started. "Budget cuts."

"Budget cuts from supernatural abilities?"

"No, budget cuts from the series funding."

"Come again?"

Piper added some pepper to her pot and said, "Paige, how about you read that out loud so we can catch these two up?"

Her sister nodded sadly and sighed. "'Dear Charmed Ones and hot blonde supporting actress, due to the immense decrease in viewers, we at the WB/CW are sad to inform you that we will no longer fund your supernatural adventures. This means, and is not limited to: fewer cameras, fewer sets, inexperienced crew members, fewer special effects, fewer cast members, one writer–

"–Paige, you're mumbling again–"

"–and no speech therapists.'"

A cold weight dropped down Phoebe's stomach. Her skin felt numb, her insides felt empty.

"Do you see now, Kaley Cuoco?" Piper asked.

Everyone looked at Billie, who was currently placing brass knuckles in her back pocket. She paused when she noticed everyone's eyes on her. "Hm?"

"Nevermind."

Paige looked up at Phoebe, "It mentions in here that our 'missing items and sets' were actually sold in order fund this one last 'episode' as they call it. It also explains why we're dressed like Hooters waitresses: 'inexperienced crew members' branches out to the fashion department, too."

"No, this can't be happening. There's got to be an explanation. Why now? Why us?"

Paige scowled and turned all the way to the back of the packet. "'For your loss, we have supplied a poster of our new, hit show _Supernatural_, signed by Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.'"

Phoebe and Billie still looked confused, so Piper set down the four bowls she just got out and snapped for their attention.

"It's about two brothers who kill demons. Sound familiar?"

Phoebe had to take a seat. "Can we go to the elders for help?"

"Fewer cast members," Paige mumbled back. "Oh, yeah, Leo and the boys are 'staying at Victor's' for the time being, meaning they had to let their actors go too."

"This can't get any worse," Phoebe said into her hands. Although her cry was muffled, Paige still heard and rested her head on her shoulder. "Is there anything we can do?"

"I don't know," Piper began, "but I made us all chicken soup for breakfast."

Billie sat down across from Phoebe and asked, "Why chicken soup?"

Piper shrugged, setting down two bowls for her sisters, "It just felt like the right thing to do."

During their breakfast/dinner, they discussed the goings on and attempted to come up with a game-plan. They knew they were running low on time, for the lack of any adventure would surely lower the few remaining viewers and the world they knew would disappear. Then again, this weird, non-cannon compliant version of season nine was pretty uncalled for.

They had a few ideas, one being a good old fashioned car wash (especially while wearing Phoebe's clothes) but they didn't know how much time they really had, or how they would be able to send their earnings to the WB/CW.

After they finished eating, the four women gathered in the living room to brainstorm some more, although it looked more like moping.

And then, out of nowhere, "Hedwig's Theme" began to play throughout the room. It got louder and seemed to be coming from Billie. "Hello? Oh, hey Grandma." The music stopped, and they realized it was just a ringtone.

"Great. _We_ can't afford appropriate clothing, but blondie gets to keep her cell phone," Piper remarked.

A bird screeched somewhere nearby, catching the attention of the three sisters. Once again, everyone was staring at Billie. She was off the phone, playing with her nunchucks. "What?"

The bird screeched again, spooking Billie into telekinetically flinging her weapon at the window, not before almost hitting Piper, resulting in a broken stained glass window.

Instead of sending irritated glares at her, the sisters were distracted by the owner of the screech flying through the new opening. A white spotted brown owl dropped an envelope on the coffee table and landed on the TV.

They were all silent as they watched the owl watch them. That is, until Piper said, "I swear, I am going to slaughter that thing if the letter is from the WB/CW."

The "thing" in question didn't look offended, 'cause it's a bird (who happens to be very well composed), but soon all eyes were on the innocent letter resting in front of them.

Paige at last stood up and reached for the letter. She scrunched up her face a little in shock. "It's heavy."

"That's what she said," Phoebe said cryptically.

"Of all the times to make that joke, it had to be when suspense was at it's highest?"

Phoebe just shrugged and Paige rolled her eyes. She continued with the task of opening the letter, momentarily distracted by the pretty, red blot of wax on the back, and slid a little mirror into her hand.

"Um..."

Billie pointed to the ground, "Something fell out."

"I think it's parchment," Phoebe knelt down and observed the odd piece of neatly folded, yellowish paper. "Does any of this seem familiar?"

"Hedwig's Theme" began to play again, and this time Billie was aware of the sisters' eyes on her.

"Gosh, a girl can't get a call from her grandma," she muttered. "What's up, Grandma?"

Piper looked almost as irritated as the time future Chris kept being cryptic with her during most of season six, but she ignored Billie and picked up the fallen note. After a few seconds of reading, her eyes went wide and her sisters' curiosities were way above the normal rate.

"Piper? What does it say?"

She looked at Paige, glared at Billie (who somehow got her nunchucks back and returned to swinging them like a pro), and then glanced back down at the letter. "It says we're in a crossover."

The four of them stopped and thought about that, for they knew that the chapter was ending but only the readers knew that now the most obvious component they were soon to be introduced to will be next chapter.


	2. Component Number 2

**Chapter 2: Component Number 2**

Malfoy Manor, London, England, U.K.; May, 1997

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Severus Snape began this particular Tuesday with care. Today, he would be visiting the Dark Lord and receiving more information that could potentially be used against him. He was already in the loop, honestly: he's scary, mean, and willing to do anything to prove his loyalty to his master. This potions teacher has jumped through many hoops, overcome many obstacles, and paraded in his Death Eater outfit enough times that he thought he could be prepared for anything the pale-white, hairless, snake-faced creep presented to him. He just happened to be wrong.

He just apparated to Malfoy Manor, successfully passing through the wards, and walked right up to the door. Once inside, he drew nearer to the dining room, where Voldemort prefers to size up his followers/fill them in on nefarious schemes. However, he was distracted by some weird song playing on the wireless. The whole composition was like nothing he had ever heard before... it sounds... no, it couldn't be. It couldn't be _muggle_.

_"I am the son, I am the heir..."_ the sound chimed from the living room. He followed it, feeling a lot like a moth to a flame, and escaped the foyer into the larger area of the house.

_"...See, I've already waited too long..."_

"What the hemlock?" American music? Certainly, this must be some practical joke – or a trap. Snape drew his wand, then, slithering at a slower rate towards possible, imminent doom.

His Lord's voice sounded with a harsh "ssh" as the music winded down.

Snape immediately heeded the signal, though it wasn't meant for him, and gently leaned against the wall between him and the living room.

_"Piper – they're calling me. I have to go"_. A weird sound replaced the man's voice and filled the now silent living room.

"Honestly, this is _so_ boring! They're not even using magic!" For the first time in his life, Snape actually sighed in relief at the sound of Bellatrix's shrill voice.

"That **was** magic! He just orbed!" Voldemort retorted in his cold tone.

"Is this supposed to be entertaining? Are we really watching muggles pretending to be witches pretending to be muggles?"

"Quiet, or we won't snuggle during this episode!"

With a defeated sigh, Bellatrix kept quiet.

_"Leo! Leo! The nerve of him orbing out at a time like this!"_ another particularly upset woman's voice rambled on. _"I can't even have one romantic dinner without those stupid elders beaming him up there."_

_"Relax, sweetie," _A second female said,_ "he'll be back soon. He loves you, you know that."_

_"Yeah, well he's sure making it hard to believe."_

"This is it! This is worse than the cruciatus curse. My Lord, you have found a more horrible form of torture," Bellatrix said with mock-amazement.

"Enough! You're ruining it!" The other sounds of people talking and mellow music stopped and somebody stood up abruptly. "I've built up a hateful army, anchored myself to life at last, and am in only _year two_ of my life reborn. I think I deserve to watch the second season of _Charmed_ in peace!"

"Severus," someone whispered behind Snape.

Thankfully for him, years of living like he's got a stick up you-know-where paid off, and he straightened up from his eavesdropping position with grace. There, he came face-to-face with Narcissa Malfoy, looking worried and rundown.

"The Dark Lord is preoccupied right now. He told me to fill you in on the news in his absence." Her blue eyes looked almost as pale as her hair, her form looking tired underneath her dress.

"You mean what's going on in there is so important that he can't tell me himself?" Snape found it hard to believe that Voldemort would pull such a codependent move like that. Then again, the visible strain in Narcissa's face, the irritated jabber from Bellatrix, and that kind of catchy American song explained a large portion of the Dark Lord's behaviour.

"Come with me, Severus." Narcissa led him to another sitting room.

"Please tell me he hasn't become more insane."

Narcissa looked torn between giving him a scathing look or a sympathetic one. "Our Lord has placed something important, he called it, in another... _universe_," she finished with a question, and then breathed in. "He wanted me to tell you that he feels Potter will never defeat him now, and all he wants to do is watch the 'ridiculous lives of these wannabe witches.'"

"Watch? As in..."

"He's using a telly, Severus. And a DVD player... whatever that is."

"You mean to tell me that the world's most passionate muggle-hater is using two muggle inventions for his entertainment?"

"Well, those and something he calls 'a season box set.' Eight of them, really."

"Did somebody imperious him?"

"As if anybody could," she lamented quietly. "He's simply enjoying something no one ever saw coming."

"You don't say."

"Well, there's one last thing he wanted me to tell you."

Snape rubbed his temple and sighed before looking her straight in the eyes. "Yes?"

"He wants to know if you think Rose McGowan looks better as a brunette or a redhead." The confusing statement really didn't stand a chance against her confused expression. Snape suddenly had the urge to either run to Dumbledore and tell him Voldemort has suddenly become incompetent, slam his head into one of the manor's heavy doors, or actually find out if Rose McGowan was more appealing as a brunette or a redhead.


	3. The Plot

**Chapter 3: The Plot**

San Francisco, California, USA; 2006

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"A what?" Paige questioned.

"How many question marks does this story have?" Phoebe randomly asked.

"About thirty-three so far," Billie answered. They all looked at her funny. "That's right. I counted them."

"Okay, back to the real world, can you please explain a crossover?" The youngest Charmed One asked.

"It says in–"

"–Thirty-four."

Piper took in a desperate breath for composure and then read aloud: "'Hopefully this gets to the right people... Charmed Ones, our world is in danger and so is yours. We are the Order of the Phoenix, a secret organization that lives to defend the rights of others against a dark wizard named Voldemort.

"'Our magic was deemed to be incompatible, but this cretin has found a way to access your world and use our magic to tether him to each of our universes. Thanks to a spy, we have found out how he has accessed these different worlds, and now we ask you to come to ours and help us destroy Voldemort.

"'We only know so much about you, but just enough to owl you. We are aware of your prestigious powers, and it is possible you are aware of ours. We both fight for light magic, so we only hope that the good in your purpose is enough to fully trust us.

"'Now, the mirror in this package shall help you contact us. All you have to do is ask for someone to answer while holding it and one of our members will reply. We have charmed it so you can contact us in our universe and current time.

"'Remember, not only are our universe's muggles in danger, your muggles and world is in danger, too. So, with that said, please reply immediately and good luck.

"'Sincerely, The Order of the Phoenix.

"'P.S. If you are not the Charmed Ones, then just pretend this is some elaborate prank and please do not put a tracking device in Terry.' Terry?"

"The bird," Billie answered, pointing to the owl that still rested on the TV. "Thirty-five."

Piper narrowed her eyes. "_I'll_ show you a bird."

"As entertaining as your guys' little arguments have become, we really need to cooperate here."

Paige had ignored the rest of them and started observing the small, square piece of mirror. At the moment her reflection stared back at her, a little peeved from the tongue-in-cheek humor, but intent on working the strange device.

A small bundle of excitement came undone inside her and sent hope and energy into her system. Harry Potter was real! With one simple phrase into the mirror, she could actually get to meet one of the characters.

She inhaled, lowered her shoulders, and stared at her reflection. "This is Paige, one of the Charmed Ones. Is anybody there?" Her muscles tensed up and she held her breath. This was it. This was it.

Nothing happened.

At last she breathed, but a frown graced her face. That's it. It's over.

And then she felt a weird tickle go up through her fingers and to her nose.

And then...

...She sneezed.

"Bless you," Phoebe said.

"Thanks," she sniffed. "Guys, this mirror doesn't–"

"–Hello?"

Scared out of her wits, the youngest sister dropped the mirror, their only connection, minus Terry, to Harry Potter's world. They all stopped breathing, for the tension in the room held all the air, but the tension didn't hold back gravity's wrath on fragile and important devices. Yes, everyone has been there. On a personal note, the author's precious device was a gerbil. Don't worry, it was okay and lived a long and happy, woodchip-flinging-filled life of four years. RIP Sean.

The small slice of mirror rattled once it hit the ground. There was no tell-tale tinkling sounding or shards of glass flying. Everyone breathed again and time returned to normal.

"That was close," Phoebe sighed.

And then suddenly, for reasons only belonging to dramatic conflict, the grandfather clock (from about twenty feet away) fell right on top of the mirror. To add insult to injury, it began to chime a few seconds later.

"Stupid tongue-and-cheek," Paige growled.

Billie let out her hand and carefully moved the clock back to its original place. The little mirror lay in separate pieces where it was dropped. They all felt like crying, then. But, as Billie's grandma would know, since she's read up to book six, the mirror still works even if it's broken.

Everyone except Paige remained standing. She was on her knees with her hands over all the pieces she had carefully gathered up. She closed her eyes and concentrated on that excitement, that shock of hope and energy, wishing for the horrible WB/CW to grant her this one last special effect.

The warm glow dropped from her palms and lit up the pieces. An almost undetectable chime rippled from her hands as the pieces came back together, some from right where they were, and others from around the room.

The magic stopped and she opened her eyes. Looking back at her was a young woman who had a hand over her eyes.

"Ouch. Did you just point me at the sun?"

At the sound of the new voice, the other three huddled around Paige and watched the woman rub her eyes and blink rapidly for a few seconds.

"Thank Merlin for eyesight charms," she said in a rather thick English accent.

"Are you from – um, the Order of the Phoenix?" Piper felt more anticipation than silliness for asking that question.

The woman shook her head, purplish hair flying, and opened up to show charming green eyes. "Yes, I am. Who are you? And you? And you? And you?"

"We're the Charmed Ones."

"And hot blonde supporting actress," Billie chimed.

"Ah! It worked! Remus, come here! It's them!"

"'Remus'? Wait, she must be Tonks!" Billie exclaimed.

"How did you know my name?" Tonks asked, taken off guard.

"I read about you in the Order of the Phoenix."

"We didn't send out a brochure," she retorted.

"No, it's a J.K. Rowling book."

"A what?"

"You're in a popular book and movie franchise, okay? Everyone knows about you!"

"Why are you yelling?"

"I don't know," Piper admitted.

The four witches screamed as a dog's face suddenly came into view. And in the next moment, a scratched but ruggedly handsome human face replaced the canine's mug.

"Sorry, I was just about to take our dog Roger for a walk. Oh, my, there're a lot of you," he said. Tonks appeared with her chin on his shoulder, getting a better look at the four witches on the other side of the mirror.

"This is incredible." Paige finally picked up the mirror from the floor and took a seat on the couch.

"Isn't it? Well, that's magic. And portals, too, I s'pose."

"Wait, who are you guys, exactly," Phoebe asked the man.

"Right, I forgot to introduce us. This is my wife Tonks," he glanced at his left, "and I am Remus Lupin. We are both Order members."

Tonks smirked, "Wotcher."

"Whoa," Paige and Billie said in awe.

"I'm Phoebe Halliwell, these are my sisters, Paige and Piper, and this is our friend Billie," she said, pointing to each.

"Nice to finally meet you all," Remus smiled. "Now, then. First thing's first: have you fed the owl?"

The four women paused and glanced at Terry. The spotted bird sat on the TV, unmoving, completely undisturbed during the whole low-humor and clock-fall fiasco. The two on the other side grimaced at the four pairs of wide eyes.

"We were supposed to feed it?"

"Let's see: he flew, like eight million miles to get to you? Yeah, you've got to feed it." Tonks shook her head.

"I say we sacrifice Billie."

"Piper!" Billie yelled.

"Annoying twenty-something attention stealer!"

"Whoa, whoa, knock it off!"

"Does this happen often?"

Paige politely answered, "It's usually not as obvious, but we're down to one writer, so, you know..."

"No, I'm afraid we don't. I thought you three were in a drama, not a parody."

"We were, but apparently this is a crossover. Anyways, I'm going to go get some bread for Terry. That's what owl's eat, right?" She stood up and got the mirror from Phoebe, with Phoebe right behind her, and walked towards the kitchen.

"Yes, bread will do," Remus replied. "Make sure you take him with you, too."

Paige's eyes widened and lit up. Tonks grinned at that. "Take him with? Where?" Her expression dropped almost as fast as she added, "You don't mean to the kitchen, do you?"

"You're coming to England, 1997," Remus beamed, then lowered his smile a bit. "Well, that's if you all agree to help destroy Voldemort."

Paige looked at Phoebe quizzically. "Does he mean Ralph Fiennes or Christian Coulson?"

"No, the actual character." She got out three slices of bread and showed them to the mirror.

"Too much, just give him one slice for now," Remus advised. "We need all of you to consent to this." The seriousness in his tone caught Paige and Phoebe's undivided attention, and they stopped walking. His light brown eyes switched to each of them before he started. "The only way we know how to get from universe to universe, the only way Terry came, was by flying through the Aurora Borealis."

"No, that's to get to the Langoliers."

"I believe we've done enough popular culture references in this chapter."

"No, we haven't. And that's the first Stephen King reference," Paige countered. "Anyways, can't we just cast a spell instead? I mean, there's got to be more than one way – oh, that's right! Season six's finale!"

She turned to Phoebe, almost jumping up and down as she waited for her sister to realize the meaning of those three words.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Remember, we went into that alternate dimension or whatever, kind of like what he's talking about, and we almost died, and someone got shot, and I think it was you, and now I'm tired." She stopped jumping and frowned.

On the other side of the mirror, all Remus and Tonks could see was Phoebe's worried and yet slightly irritated expression.

"Why did you insist on having a Redbull with breakfast?" Saying that last word, she remembered her task and carried the piece of bread with her back to the living room.

Her sister glumly replied, "It's to help me cope with my Sprite addiction."

"You're starting to act like the comic-relief agent."

"Comic-relief? Ha! Here's something serious for you: how can I die when I'm already dead inside?"

Phoebe lowered the mirror and sent an exasperated glance at her sister. "Listen, we've already got to deal with budget cuts, annoying Billie and Piper fights, and a half-dead owl. I don't think we can handle a whitelighter going through mood swings."

Paige sighed, and then narrowed her eyes. "I could do with a nice, cold Sprite right now."

"As much as my husband and I like the view of your bum, could you please raise us back to your face?"

"Oh!" Phoebe regained her senses and smiled nervously at the two. "Hi."

"Feed the bird, Phoebe," Paige said, back to her normal tone.

When they got to the living room though, Piper was nowhere in sight and Billie stood at the TV, poking the bird lightly.

She heard them arrive and mouthed to them, "It's not moving."

Tonks and Remus were once again staring at horror-stricken, wide-eyed faces and had to facepalm.

_Oh my goodness. Billie is so talented! She even counted the author question marks! Biggest mistake of my life. That was really hard to edit -_-"_

_Oh, hey, I don't endorse Sprite or anything. I just figured it would be kind of funny for Paige to have an addiction to soda and for her to drink Redbull. Not sure why, really. Hey! Hope you're enjoying it so far. Oh yeah, I remembered that the WB is dead and has nothing to do with the CW, but it just went so well with my story, that I had to keep it. And besides, maybe in another universe, there is a WB/CW and it isn't something I made up. Interesting..._


	4. A Walk on the Serious Side

**Chapter 4: A Walk on the Serious Side**

Hogwarts; June, 1997

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"Sir. Sir!" Harry abandoned his senses and viciously shook his fallen headmaster. "Please, sir, wake up!"

Dumbledore lay unmoving on the stone ground of the clock tower. No, he wasn't doing a Terry impression. His once bright face and caring features were now dark and bland under the glare of the moon above the two. Harry couldn't stop the tears rolling down his cheeks at the sight. The man who had nurtured him, cared for him, might have been breathing his last breath any second.

They were alone. Harry felt alone. His scared eyes waited to latch onto the ones behind Dumbledore's eyelids, though they would probably never shine the same way. A cold breeze flew right into the two, but Harry never felt it. This was a nightmare, and no one really feels anything while trapped in a dream.

Harry began to wonder when this all became a nightmare, when exactly he started dreaming, and why he wasn't getting help.

Earlier that evening, Harry had promised his headmaster he would do everything that his elder told him, no matter what. Earlier that evening, he saw a side to magic he never wanted to see again. But he heard that one final word, that last direction, right after Dumbledore had apparated them.

"Stay."

So there he was, on his knees, next to a mortally wounded Dumbledore. He stayed.

"Potter," a familiar and unwanted voice said from somewhere behind the teen.

Harry suddenly got the urge to scream at the hook-nosed man that drew nearer, but he found it hard to even lift his head up.

"Harry," the owner said in a lighter tone. That enough was all it took for Harry to look at Snape. He knelt down across from Harry. "There's nothing we can do now."

"You're wrong!" Harry found it hard to believe his voice had a strong ounce of passion in it. Snape made to reach for Harry's arm, perhaps as a kind gesture, but the young man dodged him and glared down at his headmaster. "Can't you heal him, like you did Draco?"

"I want you to listen to me, Harry," Snape began. "Dumbledore's life was ending even before tonight." The ferocity in those green eyes staring into his dark ones nearly threw him off. "That mark on his hand," Snape stared down at the dark bruise-looking scorch mark that contrasted with the bright, silvery moon, "was a mark of death. He only had a year left to live – he got that last summer."

"No, I don't believe you! He can't die! I need him!"

"Listen to me!" Snape had successfully grabbed Harry's arm this time and pulled on it roughly, which earned him another heated glare. "You need to be strong now. At least be strong for him."

Once Harry looked down to Dumbledore, he started sobbing lightly. The act repulsed Snape, so he took his hand back.

"Harry, we know about the Horcruxes now. All we have to do is find them, kill them, and the Dark Lord will be defeated once and for all. We can avenge Lily now." He let that last part slip and his eyes widened at the realization. Nonetheless, the boy began to weep a lot harder now. "And we're getting help."

Another chilly gust attempted to freeze the two, but it only reminded them of how numb they already were.

"We're getting help."


	5. Mourning in the Morning

**Chapter 5: Mourning in the Morning**

San Francisco, California, USA; 2006

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Piper stood in her son Wyatt's room. Her arms were crossed, her eyes were hard, but her heart was breaking. Her little boys. Her husband. Gone.

Minutes ago, she couldn't stand anymore banter with Billie and retreated upstairs to Wyatt's room almost on instinct. Her son's presence would have calmed her some. Her husband's words and arms would have calmed her as well. Now, three of her family members were gone.

Another tear escaped her eyes and she made no move to wipe it away. This was a nightmare. When had she fallen asleep?

In a dream, a safer place, she remembers carrying her son to his bed and sitting in the weave chair next to it. She was smiling, regardless of how worn out she was from a day of working and taking care of her sons, and reached for a colorful kid's book. Her vision was a little blurry with fatigue, now blurry with tears, and she used a soft voice to read the title.

She sees his smile, her own smile that he inherited, and smiles the one of her father's. In the distance she hears her sisters moving about the house, hears neighbors winding down for the evening, or getting started for it, and feels the need to keep reading.

Piper couldn't bear holding the last book she read to him. She placed it back on the bookshelf and buried her face in her hands to sob.

_Downstairs_

"What do you mean 'Terry's not moving'?" Remus's tone turned harsher.

Paige frowned, "I'm gonna go get a Sprite," and left the two other witches.

"Does he like to play dead?" Phoebe asked hopefully.

"Hey, maybe he's been taking lessons from ol' Voldemort." Tonks laughed and nudged her husband. His face was almost as somber as Leo's is all the time. "Anybody?" Phoebe shrugged and Billie, who had accidentally tipped Terry over, was sitting him back up. "Tough crowd."

"SEVEN UP?" Paige boomed from the kitchen.

"Oh, god." Phoebe sighed and rolled her eyes.

"To answer your question, Terry might just be incredibly exhausted. He's one of those owls that doesn't want to stop flying until he reaches his destination, and probably wore himself out. Bless that poor fellow," Remus said.

"Does that explain the rigor mortis symptoms?"

"Billie!" Phoebe snapped immediately.

_Bark!_

"Oh, Roger," Remus said in a softer tone. "Sitting patiently for three chapters, even. Okay, Tonks, will you be fine talking them through to our side?"

"Yes. Go on."

Just as Remus left the view of the mirror, Paige entered back into the living room, wearing a scowl and holding a 7 Up in her hand.

Tonks noticed another one of Phoebe's exasperated expressions. "What's wrong?"

"This running joke has gone far enough, that's what's wrong."

Paige grumbled, "I am not a happy camper."

"Well, guess what? We're not camping." Everyone (yes, even the metamorphmagus, courtesy of Phoebe flipping the mirror) saw Piper standing at the bottom of the stairs with a more somber expression than both Remus and Leo combined. "We're going to help the Order of the Phoenix."

Tonks was the first to break the silence. "Glad to hear it!"

"But, Piper, we still don't know how to get to them, and even if we figure out a way, we might not have enough funding to get us there." Phoebe, the bearer of bad news, sat back down on the couch and mumbled an apology to Tonks.

Then, a large gasp came from Paige. "Season six! Season six!"

Piper joined the others in the living room but remained standing. Paige set down her soda can and took a breath in, and a breath out.

"Remember three years ago when Chris and Leo used a portal that Gideon tampered with?" She didn't give them time to answer. "Can't we use the same technique to direct us to the Order of the Phoenix?"

"That's a great idea, but not if we don't have the budget for special effects.

Billie stepped forward, "But it's still magic! There may not be pretty lights, or cool sound effects, but we are still witches and this is still witchcraft."

There was another pause.

"We need to give it a try. What good are we if we just give up?" Piper glanced at each of them before turning back to the stairs. She called over her shoulder, "Come on, to the book."

Paige folded her arms and then followed Piper. Then, Billie followed her. Finally, Phoebe shrugged to Tonks and took them both upstairs.

The attic became an eerie place when not bordered by several possessions. Because of the budget cuts, the attic was left an empty area, being sold of the majority of the objects it once contained. All that was left was the Book of Shadows, the podium it rested on, and a table with four chairs, give or take a few items that deemed too worthless to be sold..

"We've got to find the chalk," Piper thought out loud as she headed to the book.

Billie and Paige immediately took to the corner of the room that had the most junk piled around it. Phoebe told Tonks she was going to rest her down on the table and began an expedition to another untouched corner. Piper found an extra piece of paper lodged in the confines of the book, and was now looking for a pen.

"Found the chalk!" Paige called. She and Billie joined Tonks at the table. "We just need to find some paper," Paige saw Piper walk over with it, " – scratch that. Just a pen."

"I'm telling you, if you guys _just_ got on some brooms and flew over to the Aurora Borealis, you would have been here by now."

Billie gasped suddenly. She pulled a blue pen out of her jeans pocket. "I am so handy!"

"Phoebe, we have everything," Piper announced to the middle sister.

Within seconds, Phoebe joined them, and the four of them sat down to write out an appropriate spell.

...

"That spell sucked, Phoebe."

"What are you looking at me for? I didn't do anything."

The four of them spent a moment studying each other, trying to figure out who could have possibly written that horrible excuse for a spell.

"I think it was the writer," Billie finally said. "All of us had just sat down to come up with one, and then _bam_, there's this thing," she pointed to the paper, "written out of nowhere."

"Look, it's even written in black ink and a generic, fanfiction site font."

"And if you try to read it in the dark, it will glow and hurt your eyes," Phoebe clarified.

"Um..." Tonks' voice rang from the mirror next to the berated, fanfictiony paper. "Yeah, could the lot of you please hurry on with the story?"

The four witches set to work constructing their portal. Once they completed drawing out the triquetra on the wall, the three sisters overlooked the crappiest spell ever and looked at each other for reassurance.

"Do we really want to do this?" Paige, formerly the most excited and jumpy, looked very unsure.

Piper sighed and then lifted up her head. "_We_ don't have enough characters or plot to keep the show going here. I don't think we have a choice but to do what's right and help those in need. _They_ in Harry Potter land have enough going on where we won't get canceled."

"'Harry Potter Land'? Why is everything named after him?" Tonks, who was currently in Billie's hold, looked at her curiously.

"Harry Potter is the main character of the Harry Potter book series."

Tonks scoffed, "_I _should be the main character."

"You are pretty kickass," Billie added.

Tonks sized her up for a moment and then beamed. "I'm beginning to like you."

"Oh, that feeling will go away. _Trust me_," the oldest Charmed One said.

Billie frowned and Tonks shrugged, for she didn't know why Billie got so much bashing.

"Let's do this," Phoebe said. She took a breath and looked down at the spell in her hands.

The three of them chanted together:

"Help us now cross over where

"Wands are used, floo powder, too

"A fictional story come true.

"Create a portal that we can take

"To save those in need

"Before their existence breaks."

Nothing happened.

"What do we do now?" Paige asked sadly.

_HOOT!_

"Aaah!" Billie screamed and telekinetically threw her nunchucks flying off towards the wall-chalked portal. Instead of colliding with the wooden planks, the metallic weapons of doom glowed and disappeared.

"Son of a snitch!" Billie looked down just in time to see mirror-Tonks duck a blurry flurry of nunchucks. The next few moments were filled with awed silence until finally owl's wings filled the room. Terry, one of the most bizarre animal OCs, flew into the wall and out the _other side_.

"I think it worked," stated Paige in a small voice.

The old attic floor creaked as they all wandered towards the active portal to Harry Potter Land, a.k.a. England in the late 20th century. The first to enter was Piper, and then Phoebe, followed by Billie and Paige.

Just as they left, there was a weird _crack_ sound emanating from downstairs, and then a British swear and a metallic clang as someone fell over.

* * *

_The owl "looking dead" thing was inspired by my creepy cat. This one morning I was watching TV in the living room. I turn back to look at my cat, 'cause she's so adorable, and she's staring off into space... or so I thought. She was sitting on her belly, paws in front of her, but with her head still up and eyes open – but they were glassy. I was like "Hazy. Hazy. You alright, puddy tat?" Yes, I call my cat "puddy tat" and yes, her name is Hazy. She still didn't move. Finally I got so creeped out and scared that I clapped my hands to get her attention again, and she twitched and looked at me. Yeah. I overreacted. But I suppose if a 200 pound grandfather clock fell five feet in front of her she would have at least moved a little, unlike Terry._


	6. A Heterogenous Solution to the Problem

I'd like to thank the few readers who stuck through chapter 5. You know who you are, the ones who ventured down this twisted road and lived (hopefully). If you are here now after waiting for this update, then I really appreciate it. However, I am still relatively new to this site, so I am not completely positive how to tell if I have legit readers or curious fellows just stumbling through. I guess that's what **reviews** are for? Too needy? Bet it was.

Anyways –

Off you go! Off you go down the weirdest project I have ever embarked on!

_Heterogeneous: composed in parts of different kind_

* * *

**Chapter 6: A Heterogeneous Solution to the Problem**

)( (\) )(

The date was August 20th, 1997. Hidden in 12 Grimmauld Place, tucked away in the library upstairs, was Nymphadora Tonks, who was assigned "mirror-watch" for the Order of the Phoenix for when they would hear from the fictional characters of _Charmed_. She signed up for being alert 12/3.5 (half of the time went to Remus, as was fairly divided), even going as far as taking the damn mirror with her to the bathroom. She agreed to anything that could come her way... except experiencing near-blindness from an eerie golden light and having to dodge flying nunchucks, which could have easily knocked her out, given her a concussion, or killed her.

At the current moment, that damn owl of Remus's flew through the wall and landed safely on the chess table nearby. Tonks watched the dusty wall to her left continue to glow white in the form of an odd, three-sided circular shape. This was nothing she's ever seen before. Most of the magic she's experienced was fast paced (and way more interesting) but this was just... different.

She heard footsteps from the other side of the mirror in her hand, and then saw the wall's glow add a short, human shape, and then three other similar figures. Within seconds, the three Charmed Ones and Billie were standing side-by-side from the wall they had emerged from.

"Whoa," Billie uttered as she stepped closer to where Tonks was and looked around. The three sisters followed her tentatively until they were in front of the metamorphmagus. Just as they did, the wall returned to its normal, non-glowing state.

Tonks appeared to have the "deer in headlights look" and just sat ogling them as if she were petrified to stay that way until Piper asked, "Are you alright?"

She blinked and grinned nervously. "I just can't believe you guys are real."

"The feeling's very mutual," Phoebe replied.

Tonks finally stood up, still clutching her mirror, and invited them downstairs.

"Do either of you want anything? Tea? Water? Firewhiskey?"

"Sprite?" Paige asked hopefully.

"What's that?" Tonks asked back.

The other three took their seats. Paige shook her head and finally sat down with her sisters. "Forget it."

The living room was as regal and aged as the library the five women exited from and the hallways they had walked through. The sisters occupied the comfy leather couch while Billie rested in the matching leather armchair. Tonks took to retrieving something that would help her (and possibly them) adjust to the recent happenings.

Several minutes later she returned with five goblets and a full bottle of firewhiskey. "I have a feeling we're all gonna need something strong," she explained as she set everything down on the coffee table in front of them. She then whipped out her wand from her Auror robes and glanced at them curiously. "You mind?"

"What?" Piper asked.

"If I use magic."

"It's not like we haven't witnessed it before," Piper deadpanned.

Tonks shrugged and swished her wand at the glass items. A fading ray of sunlight coming in from the window created weird patterns from the now floating bottle and goblets. The four newcomers watched in awe as the bottle full of honey-brown liquid filled each goblet up halfway and rested itself back onto the table. Then, Tonks directed all the goblets to float to their owners and finally sat down across from them when they all had drinks in their hands.

"Isn't that personal gain," Paige finally asked.

"Personal gain? What do you mean?"

Phoebe looked at her and explained, "When a witch uses magic to perform simple tasks that don't normally require magic, or are only benefiting themselves and not others. That's personal gain."

"But I benefited you. All four of you."

"But you didn't have to use magic to pour us glasses."

"Then why did you just allow me to use magic if it was going to bother you all so much?" Tonks was usually never one to get upset while in the midst of alcohol, but this was getting ridiculous.

"It was just a question," Paige verified.

"Okay, then. Question answered?" Her pink hair began to darken into a shocking red, and all four of them nodded slowly. "Good," she chirped, her hair shifted to vibrant pink. "Now, you have to understand more of why we've summoned you here." She took a long and much deserved swig of her drink and then sighed. Most of the unnecessary pressure had melted, and she had a feeling they needed to relax as much as she did. "Try it, why don't you?"

Their own drinks had remained virtually untouched from either of them. Phoebe, being genuinely curious, lifted up her goblet to her nose and crinkled it. She glanced a questioning look to Piper sitting at her left, who followed suit, and widened her eyes at the strong scent.

"Lighter fluid?"

"Firewhiskey."

"Firewhiskey," Billie repeated in the same accent as Tonks.

"There you go: _firewhiskey_."

After that pointless exchange of words, Billie was the first to take a sip. They all watched her as she did so. She swallowed and smacked her lips, and then took a bigger sip. "Mm!"

Piper sighed and took a small swig of her own, and then smiled lightly at the sharp and awakening sensation. Finally, the other two took their own sips and they all appeared relaxed and ready.

"Hello, new Sprite," Paige murmured to herself. Phoebe heard, though, and shook her head disapprovingly.

"All of you," Tonks began, leaning forward in her seat, "are going to learn about our magic. Hogwarts is the place to do it. You start in three weeks. Make sense?"

"Hold on," Billie took a huge mouth full of her drink and then did a spit take. "What do you mean we're going to Hogwarts? Ow, that burned my nose." She made a face and then wiped her chin and mouth with her arm.

"Don't worry, I've already called an Order meeting and everyone will be here in a couple of hours. When that time arrives, you'll all sit down with us and we'll fully explain why we brought you here. For now, all you need to do is absorb the news and drink up."

Right after she said that, the front door sounded as it opened, and happy barking filled that part of the house.

"Ah, my boys are back. Remus, you'll never guess who's in the living room!"

"Uh," his voice said from the foyer, "I'm sorry, honey, I can't think of anything humorous to respond to that."

"You better be sorry, nothing relatively funny has occurred in over four paragraphs."

The sisters sent each other worried looks, wondering why everyone kept openly referring to the story, but watched as the tall and handsome man walked in with a chocolate lab.

"Oh," Remus paused once he got a glimpse of them, and then stared at his wife. "Have you informed the others?"

"They'll arrive in two hours. Molly and the others are coming early... she insists on making dinner for everyone."

"Excuse me," Phoebe politely asked, "when you mean 'Molly and the others,' who do you mean?"

"The Weasley clan along with Harry and Hermione. Oh, by the way, Remus," she looked at him, "Can you believe Harry is the main character of our world?"

"Come again?" He knelt down to take the dog's leash off and straightened up to take off his jacket.

"Apparently, Harry Potter is the center of _our_ universe."

"He is a rather interesting lad."

"'Interesting,' huh?" she asked. He nodded. "So you fancy him, do you? Why don't you just marry him?"

"I don't think this is slash," Remus clarified, not missing a beat. "Anyways, hello to you from _Charmed_," he greeted politely to the four witches. They all sat dumfounded by the second series of odd word exchanging. "What? Did I get the name of the show wrong?"

Piper set her drink down and looked at him. "I'm sorry, this is all just a little bizarre, being here, you know."

"I suppose in large quantities we can be overwhelming," Remus replied.

"No, it's not you. It's the situation. And other things..." the eldest sister stared off and pursed her lips.

Phoebe suddenly felt an empathetic pang of something she only felt at Prue's funeral five years ago. She tenderly placed a hand on Piper's shoulder, but Piper just smirked halfheartedly at her and gently brushed it off. After that, Piper picked up her goblet and downed the alcohol in one go.

Paige cleared her throat and successfully got the spotlight off of her troubled sister. "Can you answer us something now?"

"Ask away." Remus replied.

"When we're done here helping the Order of the Phoenix with Voldemort, what happens to us and our home? Can we go back?"

Both Tonks and Remus looked at each other briefly and met Paige's eyes. Tonks began, "You can go back anytime you want to."

"No, I mean can we go back to how our life was before this _crossover_?"

"That's our plan. Don't you worry, though, we'll discuss this fully later." Piper frowned at that, tired of not getting a direct answer. Remus looked down at the splattered liquid across the coffee table. "Who did a spit take?"

The four other women eyed Billie, and the blonde in question sunk into her chair and hid behind her hands, praying for the next chapter to start and save her from any more negative attention.


	7. Shaky Introductions

You all probably figured this out long ago, but I am not completely certain of the floor plan to 12 Grimmauld Place, and probably many other things in the Harry Potter world, so forgive me if I make more errors in this chapter and beyond. Seriously, I had a 7-year-long Harry Potter falling out and am still getting back into it. Good enough excuse, eh? Maybe not.

Also, for people who are easily offended by it: the F word makes a cameo appearance in this chapter.

Lastly, I'd like to make a shout out to my first ever reviewer, Vulgara. Thank you again for the compliment... and being first, too, I suppose. Lol I made it awkward. But seriously, rock on!

* * *

**Chapter 7: Shaky Introductions**

)( (\) )(

The Outskirts of England, Weasley Residence; August, 1997

Around 5pm in the Weasley abode, a green eyed, dark haired boy was fluffing up a pillow to the extra bed in the youngest son's room. He turned and looked back at Harry Potter for reassurance.

"Yes, thank you, Matthew, for fixing my bed for me," he said kindly.

Harry's doppelganger smiled, nodded, and then headed out of the room. Harry Potter, the emerald eyed and raven haired young man, went to go carefully sit on the spare bed in Ron's room. Just as he sat down, the door swung open.

"Hey mate. Why is that bloke who looks like you here again?"

"I still don't know for sure. Whenever I ask, he says something about getting paid to play 'one of the Harrys' for this big scene in '_The Deathly Hallows pt 1_,' whatever that is. He also wanted my autograph."

"Well then... He's leaving now?" he asked hopefully. Ron didn't need (or want) another Daniel Radcliffe lookalike nosing around his little sister – not that he knew who Daniel Radcliffe was.

"Yes," Harry sighed. "Thankfully."

Ron entered the room and fixed up the covers of his own bed. Harry instantly found that curious as he stared at Ron's hunched form, for his best friend rarely cleaned up. Unless...

"What is it, Ron?"

"What?" he spun around and smiled tightly. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're beating around the bush, that's what I'm talking about. Now, please tell me."

His best friend rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. His dark blue eyes met oddly powerful emerald ones. "They're here."

Harry's eyes widened, his adrenaline immediately pumping, and he hopped off the bed. "Death Eaters?"

"What? Oh, Merlin, no, no." Ron smiled with relief but then immediately frowned at the floor. "Mum got a message from Tonks." Harry's shoulders immediately lowered and his gaze fell to the floor as well. "Yeah."

"So, what now?"

Ron shrugged. "We have to pack up our stuff right now. We floo round an hour to Grimmauld Place."

The younger boy's focus still lay on a far off place, past where they were standing. "So... are they at Grimmauld Place?"

"Don't ask me for sure. I only know that we're all going there as usual, you know, before school starts."

Harry blinked. "Okay."

Ron watched as Harry snapped back into the now and gathered his trunk from under the spare bed. In all reality, none of his other two friends, including himself, were thrilled to hear that Americans from the future were going to be helping them defeat Voldemort. It all kind of seemed like their spotlight, their own time to shine, was getting stolen. Don't get them wrong, it's okay for Americans to direct, say, major motion pictures that they starred in, but not act alongside them and help them progress the story so directly.

The trio learned a week after Dumbledore's death about Voldemort's discovery. Thanks to Snape, the Order of the Phoenix, although crippled by their founder's death, had an opportunity to implement a plan, dare they say, a counterattack, against the Dark Lord. It only took a few days of research on the none-too-well-known field of study that is alternate universes to realize a way to jinx the earth's natural portal into one's liking.

There were plenty of setbacks, and plenty of possible setbacks (maybe the Langoliers _are_ real), but once that really strange owl, Terry, departed, it was all in fate's hands to determine what would happen next. In the meantime, Snape kept filling in everyone with all the information he could lift from the distracted dark wizard. Snape theorized that Voldemort must have researched alternate universes as well, and in an attempt to secure his immortality via horcrux, discovered an even worse, vile weapon against the laws of nature: Prime Time Television. PTT offered many types of torture for Voldemort to utilize against his enemies, but he fell victim to a show involving magic, witches, demons, and leprechauns.

Now, as an addict to PTT, Voldemort is as distracted as a cat is to a piece of string or a jingly bell with ribbons – but only for so long. Harry reminded himself, as he tucked away his last shirt into his trunk, that the sooner the other witches arrived the better, for the more time they would have to prepare... regardless of how American they were.

Time at the Burrow started to slow on that early evening. Molly Weasley had finished gathering all her supplies for dinner and all her luggage, and headed upstairs for her family and guests. For some reason there was a sense of lag in each step advanced and each thought sparked. Within minutes, which felt longer than it really was, Molly had collected three sons, her one daughter, her husband, her son's girlfriend, all their luggage, and ordered them downstairs by the fireplace.

Ginny shifted in place and made to move out of the living room, only to get a questioning look from her mother. She answered with, "I have to go to the loo."

"There's one where we're going, dear."

"But I have to go now, Mum."

"It only takes a millisecond to apparate somewhere. You can hold it for that long, can't you?"

A millisecond later Ginny replied, "Time's up." She received a scowl in return. "Can't I just go upstairs and get Harry and Ron on my way back? Please?"

Molly appeared to be pondering that, but Arthur answered for her, giving his daughter the go ahead, for goodness sakes.

Ginny headed straight upstairs and made it to the bathroom, grateful of her father's mediation. As she exited, she found Harry and Ron exchanging a weak grin and lugging their trunks towards the stairs.

"You two finally ready? Mum was close to losing it." They both gave her a look. "Um, right, she was close to losing _more_ of it."

She walked alongside Harry and Ron down the hall to the stairs. They arrived a minute later to a near-frantic Mrs. Weasley.

"Line up, line up!" Molly arranged them all, Harry and his friends at the end of the line closest to where she stood. Once she had organized her humans, she finally breathed and looked at them. "Well, we're off to meet them. Arthur, Bill and I are going to floo and meet them first. I want you kids to apparate _carefully_ to your usual rooms and come downstairs to us. " Ron had apparently misheard his mother's directions when he had told Harry, and he shrugged when Harry stared at him after hearing the actual plan. "Understand?"

Fred and George stood around with similar expressions that bordered between uninterested and excited. Bill walked over to his mother and father by the fireplace. The other four teens looked nervous and unsteady, but Harry was the most nervous for some reason. How could _they_ help destroy Voldemort?

"Alright then. Off you go."

)( (/) )(

_12 Grimmauld Place_

The _Charmed _witches grew tired of sitting, soon too plagued by nervousness to stay in one place, so they began to pace and explore. Tonks and Remus were left with Phoebe and Billie, and Piper and Paige were off on their own.

"Why do you have a dog?" Billie asked Remus suddenly.

"The real question is 'why do I have a chocolate lab?'"

"No, I asked about your canine companion."

"Yes, my chocolate lab."

"What are you, Willy Wonka? I am asking about the animal on all fours that you took a walk with earlier."

"Oh! My Chocolate Lab."

"Thank you!" Billie sent Phoebe a relieved glance, and Phoebe didn't know how to respond to that.

"It's a funny story, actually. I was about to –"

The fireplace nearby sounded, thankfully cutting off the story. A figure, cloaked in green flames, stepped off of the hearth and soon revealed Arthur Weasley, cute wizard hat and all.

"Arthur," Tonks greeted him with a quick hug. He didn't have time to say anything, for two more figures quickly exited the fireplace.

"Hello, Molly, Bill," Remus said kindly.

"Hello there," nodded Bill.

Molly smiled kindly at Remus and Tonks, and then a little nervously at the other witches. Where do they begin?

)( (/) )(

Upstairs, Paige and Piper were on their way back to the library.

"Hey, Piper?"

"Hm?"

"What happened to Henry? And Coop, for that matter? Like, why did Phoebe and I wake up in the manor if we already live in our own places and have our own husbands and lives?"

"Limited sets, fewer actors, one writer," Piper reminded. She wasn't up for thinking about what was lost, which was partly the reason she decided to distract herself with whatever reading material their current environment had to offer. Paige came along with her because she felt better moving around than standing downstairs.

"Hey, speaking of home, did you happen to hear something funny before we left through the wall?" Paige noticed a catch in Piper's step at the mention of home. "It's okay, maybe I'm just hearing things."

_Crack! Crack!_

"Or maybe it was something like that," Paige quickly amended. Her and Piper turned towards the right, where the odd sound had occurred.

"Do they have demons here?" Piper asked her sister.

"I think just dementors and that Umbridge woman."

Piper nodded. No demons she had ever faced made a sound like that when they arrived somewhere, but still...

)( (/) )(

Meanwhile, inside one of the many bedrooms on the second floor of 12 Grimmauld Place, Harry and Ron set their luggage down after apparating. Something weird caught their attention after that. Ron cocked his head to the side and started towards the door, wand drawn.

"Ron – "

"Harry," Ron whispered back, "I'm trying to be brave for once. What could possibly go – "

_Boom!_ The thick wooden door burst, coupled by the loud noise, and the flying pieces flew towards Ron. He screamed a shameless "Bollocks!" as he fell backwards to the ground, covered in the remnants that had landed on him.

"Ron!" Harry nearly tripped over their trunks as he sped towards his fallen friend. At first glance, the redhead appeared to be okay. But after Harry removed a rather large piece from his face, he saw a deep cut on his forehead, a growing scratch under one of his eyes, and blood on his lower lip.

"I don't think that was a demon, Piper," a feminine whispered above the two boys. Harry looked up to see two women with wide eyes and mouths agape, standing behind the new hole that the broken door left.

"Wh – who – why..."

"Hold on," the woman who had whispered "I don't think that was a demon, Piper" stepped into the room and stooped to her knees next to Harry. Ron grumbled something inaudible and Harry immediately guarded his friend's body.

"Don't touch him!" he yelled at the witch.

"What's going on out there, Harry?" Hermione's voice called from another room.

"These witches tried to kill R – " Piper froze him before he could finish. His lips remained puckered in their incomplete attempt to say "Ron" and Piper thought that would probably be a good meme face.

"Paige, heal him."

"On it." Paige made sure Ron's eyes were closed (no need blinding two _Harry Potter_ characters in one day) before she was easily able to force the soft golden light onto his injuries. Ron's face glowed serenely under the light, his injuries reversing and shrinking back into what was there before Piper fucked him up.

He released a sigh once the annoying light was gone, but was grateful not to feel any pain on his face. He opened his eyes to see concerned hazel ones looking into him.

"Ron, right?" she said in an American accent.

"Erm... yeah."

"Are you okay?"

He dropped his head back down to the floor and groaned. "You're an angel, aren't you? I died?"

"Only half angel, actually. And you're still alive, dude," Paige mumbled.

"Oh... that's good news."

"-on!"

Paige, Ron, and Piper jumped as an angry Harry Potter reentered the moment and escaped his meme face. Harry was about to push Paige away when he saw his friend dazedly staring up at him.

Before any of the already confusing situation could be handled, Fred, George, Ginny, and Hermione huddled around the doorway of the incident, all looking worried and shocked, then staring rather oddly at the two out-of-place women beside their friend and brother.

"This was probably a really bad way to start things off," Piper mumbled to herself.

* * *

Um, yeah. A LOT of words this time. I voted against speeding past the awkward moment where these characters meet and took to keeping us in the action for a while longer. Hope it was kind of funny and/or entertaining at least. College happened, and after spending five plus hours reading/writing about Pacific Northwest History and working through equations, my head's kinda not in the mood to make up many good jokes.

Well, I'm at the point where I do not have any extra stuff prepared until later chapters. With that said, I write _really freaking slow_, and it may take a while for me to upload any more chapters. To any of my readers (seriously, how many of you are there? I cannot for the life of me figure out the traffic stats. Maybe 13...? Gosh, I dunno), it may take me more than a week to upload future chapters. Stick with me, x amount of readers.


	8. Thin Walls and Faithless Acquaintances

Once again, I apologize for any Harry Potter inaccuracies. I honestly did not feel like researching the Harry Potter wikia and correcting any of my errors. Then again, I figure I pretty much dug my own grave with that in chapter three by giving Remus a dog. Sorry, but my low-humor senses were tingling... as they are in this chapter.

But first, before all the wtf commences, take time to read THIS: Thank you to San, marianne, and again to Vulgara for their reviews. Evil smiley ):D says "Yes. Good, good. Soon my plans shall be complete!" Halomind says: hope you enjoy this next chapter, you three. I suppose this is what people call a "filler" chapter, but there are still some goofy moments as the story progresses.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Thin Walls and Faithless Acquaintances**

)( (\) )(

At the same moment Piper had tried to blow up the "demon" upstairs, Billie and Phoebe looked at each other worriedly. Sure, the incident above took away the awkwardness of the moment they were in with three Weasleys, but they both knew that something had to have gone wrong.

The moments that followed involved the protective Mrs. Weasley hurdling upstairs, followed by her slightly calmer husband and son, a large gasp, and Piper's voice screaming "Why isn't she freezing?"

That was basically Tonks, Remus, Phoebe, and Billie's cue to join the others upstairs and hope to intervene before Mrs. Weasley did something rash, like enact Bellatrix's cannon death upon Piper.

All was soon resolved for the most part, though. After Ron explained that Paige had healed him and Mrs. Weasley did a quick inspection to see if he was really okay, Molly nodded approvingly at Paige, avoided looking at Piper, and told her house guests and family to follow her downstairs. Once again, that left just Remus and Tonks with the _Charmed_ witches, who had caused enough drama for one week in all of five minutes.

"Well, then," Remus said, glancing to his wife. "Let's get you four settled, shall we?"

The tension still hung dangerously in the air, but the witches obliged to the plan. Minutes later, the room coordinating for the Charmed Ones and Billie was settled: they would take one room with two beds. The amount of space for 15 people wasn't a problem since the Black manor was big enough for several guests.

The next problem lay in what the _Charmed _witches would do to pass the time before the Order meeting commenced. It probably wasn't safe downstairs with a simmering Mrs. Weasley and the traumatized cluster of witches and wizards. Tonks told them she would check to see if everyone downstairs was okay, and hope to vouch for their new acquaintances all the while.

Piper immediately continued to the library, leaving just Remus, two Charmed Ones and one Billie in the hallway.

"Is she going to be alright?" Remus asked the remaining sisters after Piper left.

Paige started, "She'll be fine. She needs something to distract her for right now."

Phoebe gasped suddenly. "Guys! We forgot the Book of Shadows! How could we forget the book? What if some soulless executive-producer takes it? We need our book!"

"Calm down," Billie placed a hand on Phoebe's shoulder as she started to hyperventilate. "I have my nunchucks."

"HOW ARE YOUR STUPID NUNCHUCKS GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING?"

The blonde witch recoiled and stepped back from Phoebe. "They knocked out two demons last year," was all she murmured next. Phoebe cracked her neck, her eye twitching, and was about to open her mouth and unleash Hell on Billie when...

"Book of Shadows!" Paige called. The others stared at her with her hands out as she closed her eyes tightly. A few seconds passed before she opened her eyes and dropped her arms. "Okay... _that_ didn't work."

Luckily for Billie, Phoebe decided against turning on her again, and instead sighed lamely as a result of the new tension.

() (/) ()

"Harry?" In the living room downstairs, Ron looked up from the wizard's chess board to his friend. "What are numbchucks?"

Harry sighed. After one of them tries to kill a human being, another is screaming about ancient Chinese weapons. It made Harry wonder if they are this random and dramatic all of the time.

"Ron, _nunchucks_ are muggle weapons. If I remember right, they have a chain or a string between two bars... to make them swing at things. I think there's a muggle actor who uses them a lot."

"Oh. Are they important enough to argue about?"

"Apparently so," Hermione interjected, moving over towards Ron. "Are you sure you're okay, by the way?" she asked him.

"Yes, 'Mione. I'm better than okay, actually."

"Of course." Ginny piped from the couch. "They say nearly getting blown to bits is _really_ good for your health."

"Say whatever you want. Once you're under that light, you know those other witches can't be all bad."

Hermione sighed and joined Ginny. "Your brother can be terribly ignorant sometimes."

"Which one?" Ginny smirked.

Fred and George were outside (most likely up to no good) with Roger the Chocolate Lab, Molly and Tonks were making dinner and discussing things in the kitchen, and Bill had accompanied Arthur on a quick trip to the ministry to check in with Kingsley. The Golden Trio and Ginny were told to relax while dinner was prepared, and then they would sit with the Order for the meeting that would fill in the Charmed Ones and hot blonde supporting actress on Snape's findings and the Order's plan.

Harry's stomach churned lightly at the thought of being in the same room with those women. Apart from what one of them did to Ron, two of them were dressed rather – _skimpily_ – and it didn't help that they were actually quite attractive. He feared, as Ron's knight obliterated Harry's bishop, that his eyes might catch something enticing and get caught staring.

"You alright, mate?" Ron noticed his friend get a hazy look over his eyes as he planned out his next move.

In return, Harry cleared his throat and mumbled, "Yeah."

() (/) ()

"Molly, it was all a misunderstanding," Tonks said for the fifth time already. She had attempted softening her up with smalltalk at first, but any discreet or indiscreet attempts at doing so had failed to work.

"Oh, I know," Molly began, her soft tone ominously far away. "It was just a simple misunderstanding, one that could have easily ended in my youngest son's untimely demise. Nothing to worry about at all."

"Molly, they are good people." Just as she said that, she accidentally ran into a kitchen chair, which in turn knocked over a huge stack of plates, which ended up sending a few ceramic discs into a vase from all the way across the room. "Can I go at least _one_ day without running into things?"

"You're pretty tipsy," Molly replied, swishing her wand at a bubbling pot. "Something happen?"

"Oh, just a _simple misunderstanding_ – that and a blindingly bright light."

"You're _not_ funny, dear." Nonetheless, a small smile began to spread across her lips. Tonks had a way with her that somehow always made her feel better. It was just one of the facets of Tonk's brilliant personality that people were grateful for.

"Remus doesn't think so, either." Tonks was busy gathering the unbroken plates from the counter on the other side of the kitchen. "I made a really good joke about Voldemort, and by 'really good joke' I mean the timing was perfect, by the way, but he didn't even crack a grin. Not even a little hint of one," she continued dramatically. All the while, her story had caused Molly to chuckle. "Makes even _me_ second guess my own humor. I guess I should just stick to catching rogue wizards and morphing into things, then."

By the end of her short-lived and lighthearted rant, Mrs. Weasley was smiling and giggling softly. Tonks didn't want to push her luck and slip in something nice about the Charmed Ones while her kitchen companion had her guard down. In time, she knew all would cool down. A nice dinner, some more firewhiskey, and some other corny jokes, and she believed the unfortunate incidents would just float away.

_Upstairs_

At the new development of their forgotten coven book, the _Charmed _witches decided to once again mope. This time, they split up into two groups for it. Phoebe felt like spending some time with Piper and seeing what had been bothering her, and Paige and Billie decided to get acquainted with their new room until they would be invited downstairs where Remus had now gone.

Paige and Billie were currently resting on different beds, both feeling oddly uncomfortable in each other's presence. The beds were soft, though, and helped ease their troubled muscles.

Billie lifted up her head to see Paige lying idly on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hey, Paigery?"

Paige rolled her eyes playfully at the stupid nickname Billie had given her awhile ago. "Yeah?"

"How do you think the _Harry Potter _series ends?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"Um..." she hummed for a few seconds and then silently thought out an answer as she rested back down. "Maybe... Harry and Draco confess their love for each other and chop off Voldemort's head."

"Are you serious right now?"

"No, I'm Billie."

"I _know_ who you are. I was asking if you were joking or not."

"I guess that is a good question. Sometimes I can be... serious."

"And now is apparently not one of those times."

"It's hard to be serious when I'm Billie Jenkins."

Approximately four minutes and twenty-eight seconds later, Paige looked up at her and asked, "Were you making a joke about Sirius Black?" She then heard Billie's failed attempts at stifling her laughter. "That's not funny," she said, though she let out a chuckle. "He's real here! He might haunt you now."

The laughter stopped immediately and Billie sat up, staring right at Paige. "How bad would it be if I cast the ghost vanquishing spell on him if he really did that?"

"First off, it would be pretty bad. Second, you couldn't do it because you're not a ghost. Lastly, we do not have our book, so good luck remembering the spell," she said dryly before settling back down

Billie let out a sigh and lay back down too. "Wait, how do _you_ think _Harry Potter _ends?"

"I have no clue. I mean, I've only read the first two books."

Billie gasped and sat back up for the umpteenth time. "That means this _whole_ day has been, like, one giant spoiler for you!"

"It's not a big deal, Billie."

"Yes, it is! Do you know how upset I was when my grandma told me Snape killed Dumbledore in the sixth book? _While_ I was reading it?"

Paige slowly rose up until she was looking at Billie. Her eyes had narrowed, her nose flared, her breathing unnervingly deep. "You better be lying right now."

"But you said it was no big deal."

"I watch the movies! I've seen all five of them! Now, _please_ tell me you made that up just now and it doesn't actually happen!"

Billie gulped nervously, her deep green eyes being probed by her whitelighter's solemn ones. She was torn between asking Paige why said she had no clue of the ending if she's seen all five movies (especially when only four have been released in their time), or telling her the most immature response that came to mind.

With eyes as large as the moon and a near-future as dead as Dumbledore, she replied "I'm serious."

()(/)()

Piper cocked her head at the sound. "Phoebs? Did you just hear a battle cry?"

Phoebe nodded slowly, recognizing the usually-kind owner of that noise. "I think Billie's life is in danger," she said knowingly.

"Good."

"Piper!"

"Come on, Phoebe. She probably did something to deserve it." Little did she know, Piper was very correct.

Phoebe ended up dragging her sister out of the library and to the bedroom Remus had showed them. Inside, Paige was straddling a writhing Billie on one of the beds.

"Stop! Stop tickling me!" Billie called out through giggles. Paige's fingers were quickly dancing over Billie's sides and stomach, and Billie just didn't have it in her to telekinetically throw off her attacker.

"Be glad I'm not vanquishing you, you spoiler!"

Phoebe and Piper looked at each other, and then back at the two women.

Piper cleared her throat, catching the attention of a still-angry Paige and a breathless blonde. Once she was sure she had their attention, she took in a breath and yelled, "This – Isn't – Slash!"


	9. Petition

I agree with the following petition and wanted to add this to my story for the time being as well as sign it. Note: my story will not have explicit sexual scenes or violence, but I strongly support those authors who are at risk of losing their works. If you feel the need to join this movement, copy this petition, post it where someone can read it (probably shouldn't follow my footsteps and do it to your own story : \) and sign it. The italicized writing is the petition itself.

_**Attention All Readers. Reviewers, and Authors!**_

_The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you._

_Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site._

_Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors._

_For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable._

_It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added._

_If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests._

_While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation._

_For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this._

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halomind

There... my work here is done. Or is it?...

Nope, it's not. I hope to have a real chapter up soon. I'm not as confident in my "funny" (as if I ever had it, haha) and I ain't posting something I'm not proud of, so hold your positions x amount of readers of mine.


	10. Best Behavior

**Chapter 9: Best Behavior**

)( (\) )(

Once again, pacing across the worn stones of an aged neighborhood, Severus Snape sighed to himself. He, along with the remaining members of the Order of the Phoenix, had been called to headquarters to initiate their new weapons against Lord Voldemort. He was alerted four hours prior by that overly bubbly auror/former student, and that invitation only added to his unease.

The experienced potions master stepped around the surrounding block of houses and entered the darkened street his destination rested on. Up ahead, he noticed a familiar figure. _Kingsley._ Seconds later, Severus had joined Kingsley along with Minerva and Elphias.

Soon, Severs was among many others beginning to pile into the headquarters's kitchen.

"Everyone, take your seats," Molly ordered kindly. _She looks a little shaken_, Severus noted.

She caught him staring at her and he cleared his throat and straightened his black robes before sitting down.

"Tonks, how about gathering our guests from upstairs?" Molly asked, her grip tightening around her wand just a little.

"Gladly," the unnecessarily cheery witch chirped back. On her way out of the doorway, she swiveled around until she faced the long dining room table. "Everyone, may I ask for your attention?" Once she received some nervous and impatient looks, she began, "Now, we unfortunately have several differences between the Charmed Ones and us, be it magical, cultural, or, er, magical... again. Erm, we did have an unfortunate incident occur today, but I ask all of you to look past the accidents and the differences and treat these witches kindly. Like my mum always said, 'treat others politely, unless they disown you and burn your face off the family wall.' **Not** that they're going to burn our faces off or anything. I think that was just a Black family dilemma from my mum's past. Anyways," Tonks shook her head, realizing she was straying from the point, "remember all I just said, minus the face-burning wall-treatment point."

"Just go," Remus begged lightly.

"Okay, I'm off!" Tonks skipped out. Severus cracked his neck out of habit. This was going to be an unreasonably painful evening, he could tell.

"Excuse me for asking," the soft and alluring voice of Fleur Delacour called from the far side of the table. Severus turned to look at her, as did everyone else, except Molly; she was busy performing the finishing touches on the meal. "What incident occurred?"

Harry soon found all eyes on him. "Why is everyone looking at me?"

"You kind of are a magnet for... unfortunate events, Mr. Potter," Minerva explained gently.

"Oh... right."

The few members and teens present during said incident held their tongues, thankfully taking in Tonks' strange but wise words.

Remus smiled and said, "One of them really _can_ cast reductos from their hands. Let's just leave it at that."

Fleur's beautiful, deep blue eyes expanded, and she turned to her fiance for what Severus assumed was confirmation. Bill simply nodded.

"_Maudit_*."

"It appears we are all in one piece," Kingsley spoke up, bearing a grin. "It can't be all bad if we still have our arms and legs."

"...you could say that," Hermione mumbled as she sipped her goblet of water.

No one could further avoid the truth of the matter: the idea to bring the Charmed Ones to their world was tricky, and suddenly becoming a very foolish endeavor. Yes, the magic they practiced and the supernatural world the lived in held several differences. But Severus thought back to the day he learned of Voldemort's intervention within the _Charmed _world and their own. He's not fool enough to ask Voldemort why and how he got his hands on season box sets, a DVD player, and a telly. He can only make inferences with a practiced and patient eye as of now. Of course, horcruxes had to be involved somehow.

Several pairs of footsteps alerted Severus and released him from his thoughts. Everyone watched the doorway.

"They're all in here," Tonks voice floated in a little shakily from outside the room.

"Let's do this." Severus tried to place that voice. Was it the psychic sister, Phoebe?

No sooner than he pondered that, Tonks entered the room, trailing behind her the outsiders. The one known as Paige Matthews was right behind Tonks, wearing a nervous smirk, but still retaining a kind glow. Next was Piper, the oldest sister as of season four. From the show, Severus knew she was usually the outspoken, brave sister, but now she appeared almost timid and perhaps more nervous than Paige. Phoebe arrived next, looking somewhat at ease even though she was apart of the center of attention. Lastly, a young blonde woman strolled in and stood next to Phoebe. Severus narrowed his eyes... she didn't look familiar.

Kingsley stood from his chair and smiled politely. He glanced at the other table mates, and they all joined in. Severus bowed his head when the witches made eye contact with him. The others waved or did the same.

"This is everyone," Tonks stepped over to an empty chair by Remus. She introduced the three Charmed Ones and the new blonde witch named Billie Jenkins to all of the Order Members. On the left side of the table, the side opposite of Severus and Tonks, there were vacant chairs at the end next to Minerva. Paige made her way through first and sat down next to the transfiguration professor, smiling kindly at her, receiving a polite grin. Her sisters and... family friend... took their seats.

"Now, is everyone hungry?" Mrs. Weasley sounded a bit strained under her usually chipper exterior. Within seconds, the food was magically serving itself in front of all the guests, leaving Molly to take her seat next to Arthur and their family.

Severus peeked down at his full plate, hiding a smile of gratitude at a simple but filling baked chicken and vegetable dish. He quickly noticed that most of everyone was keeping to themselves or quietly chatting to those next to them. The new witches were engaged in a conversation with Tonks and Remus, at least. Severus detected that those two were trying extremely hard to include the new witches. However, after scanning the minds of the Golden Trio and those who had arrived early, he basically learned why Hermione discreetly glared at Piper and Fred and George were silently making jokes about their youngest brother walking into mysterious crossfire.

"Mum, what's for dessert?" Ron piped up first when everyone's plates were cleared.

"A nice, heaping serving of Order meeting," Molly replied jovially. She didn't miss Ron's eye roll, but she didn't do anything except glare back at him momentarily.

"Lovely dinner you prepared." The whole room died down as soon as Phoebe spoke. Still, she kept her cool and polite demeanor towards Mrs. Weasley under all the eyes on her.

"Thank you, dear."

"_I was right!"_ Severus heard Tonks mentally proclaim. It turns out she was hoping dinner would get everyone better acquainted.

Soon, the table was cleared of dirty dishes, leaving just goblets of water or firewhiskey.

"Let's get down to business." Kingsley said from the head of the table, catching the eyes of the _Charmed_ witches. "The Order of the Phoenix's goal is to destroy Lord Voldemort. Originally, that would have been a tricky task to take on. At the current moment, it is impossible. Severus," Kingsley called, distracting Snape from observing the witches, "how about you explain your theories and observations?"

"Of course." _Yes, put me in the spotlight_, Severs mentally grumbled. "I am a spy for the Order of the Phoenix; I pose as one of Voldemort's faithful followers. I have more knowledge of you three than any other Order member present and not." The four witches appeared to be listening intently at that. Severus continued on, "Lord Voldemort has somehow gotten hold of a telly, a, I believe it was named 'Sony DVD player', and your season box sets."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, that evil bald guy has been _watching _us?" Piper's bluntness caused Fred and George to snicker. "How the hell did he do it?"

"I don't know yet... I don't know if I ever will. But that's why you were summoned here. Have any of you ever come across the term 'horcrux'?"

"Oh, yeah!" The blonde witch straightened up in her chair, her eyes alight. "Voldemort split his soul into six objects he holds dear to him."

"Wait," Harry Potter spoke up for the second time since Severus' arrival, "how did you know that they might have heard of horcruxes?"

"Anyone who has finished book six knows about them," the blonde replied. Harry looked at her.

"What book?"

"_Harry Potter_," said Paige.

"There're _books_ named after me – after my life?"

"Hey, you're not the only one objected to the media! We're _in_ a TV show." Piper clarified that and crossed her arms, looking back at Severus. "But back to Harry's question, how did you know that the _Harry Potter_ books exist?"

"I was just trying to find out what you already know before delving into the meat of the conversation." Already these new people were starting to get on his nerves. He wouldn't dare mention, at the risk of causing another argument, that he had actually witnessed a _Harry Potter _reference in season four of _Charmed_. "Are we all settled, now?" Severus drawled. The Golden Trio and the Power of Three nodded or voiced their agreements. "As I was saying, a horcrux is indeed fragments of a soul purposefully placed into material objects that in turn tether the owner of the soul to earth as long as the objects remain in tact. This goes back to you four... I believe, with Voldemort's new level of confidence and ownership of your season box sets, that he must have accessed other universes like you four have done this afternoon." He paused for the sake of letting that sink in. The _Charmed _witches still intently watched him. The other Order members simply stared at the table or exchanged looks with one another. This was all just a review for them.

"Go on, please," Phoebe said.

"Yes... now, since we know nothing of Harry's books, it should be certain that you know nothing of your own series as well, correct?"

"Not exactly."

"Yeah," the other witches agreed with Piper.

Well... this was new to Severus. "How so?"

"We kind of caught on when most of the action occurred through September to May, with 'How Soon is Now' playing once a week, and with our world's lack of continuity."

"Virtually _nothing_ significant happened during our summers," Phoebe supplied. "It's the damnedest thing."

"Hold on a second," Harry began again. "How come we didn't get a chance to know about... my books?"

"Because your world is more structured." Billie said that as if she was stating "the sky is blue."

Harry shook his head and sent a desperate look to Severus, who just narrowed his dark eyes.

"But," Severus continued, hoping to gather a hold of logic in all of this, "you don't have access to Sony DVDs with your show on them, right?"

"I didn't see any last time I was at Target. Or Walmart, for that matter," said Billie.

"What she's trying to say," Phoebe began, "is that we can know that our lives are based on a TV show, we can't watch ourselves on TV or DVD."

"Good, that brings me to my next point. I believe Voldemort must have placed a horcrux in either the universe he attained your season box sets, or in the one you live in."

There was another gap of silence, and this time Harry, Ron, and Hermione met the eyes of Paige, Piper, and Phoebe.

Billie interjected, "So that's how we're connected? It sounds like all we have to do is get Voldemort to spill about how he found our show and which universe his seventh horcrux is in."

"And there's our problem," Remus added. "How can we capture, let alone force, Lord Voldemort to tell us his secret to immortality? And already our own world is suffering under his return."

"It has been reported that all around magical and non-magical England areas that several 'accidents' are happening and innocent people are going missing," Kingsley spoke up with worry thick in his tone.

"Oui, ze accidents are also spreading around ozher** European areas," Fleur added.

Severus noted the concern in both his fellow Order Member's faces as well as in the Charmed Ones and Billie's expressions. Deep down, he felt a bit of relief knowing that they sincerely cared for helpless and innocent bystanders to the chaos that is magic without control. On the outside, though, he remained stoic and steady.

Phoebe cleared her throat. "I believe our friend Tonks told us you're all planning on sending us to Hogwarts. Can we finally get the answer to why?"

"Phoebe, is it?" Minerva asked. She nodded, and Minerva continued, "Hogwarts will be your safe haven in your stay here. The reason is the four of you must learn our magic quickly and efficiently in order to help us and defend yourselves against Death Eaters and such. We've also agreed that you all bearing the Hogwarts' crest and protecting the students that attend there shall weaken Voldemort's pride and confidence."

"Oh." Phoebe lamely replied. "I mean, thank you."

"Wait a second, I have a question." Billie raised her hand. Piper braced herself for stupidity to follow.

"Yes?" Tonks asked.

"It's kind of for Snape, actually." She looked at him, then, and shyly smiled. She gathered, and discreetly told Paige during dinner, that Snape couldn't have killed Dumbledore in this timeline because he was still considered a loyal member to the Order. That still didn't answer one question that kept bothering her just minutes ago when she learned that Voldemort has been watching _Charmed_.

"Go on," Severus urged.

"Does Voldemort's hand ever... wander down when he's watching us?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, although he had a sinking feeling he knew the context of the question. The other witches appeared to have undergone similar conditions. Already they had started to pale.

"Do you ever see him start to touch, you know, his–"

"Billie!" All three Charmed Ones shouted at once. By now she was so used to hearing her name being screeched that she didn't even flinch in the slightest.

"I was just wondering if I should be more disturbed by this, that's all. And I feel like other people who have watched us have probably... you know. But then again, I'm only in one season, so the rest is on you three."

Fred and George were having a difficult time controlling their chortles, both receiving disapproving looks from their parents. Harry, Ron and Hermione all exchanged disgusted looks and then put their attention back to Severus.

Severus cleared his throat and inhaled. "I try not to risk looking at him too much when I'm there. I can tell you this: he is very absorbed in your lives. Him being an excellent learner, he most likely knows every little detail about you. More than I, and I know a lot so far."

"I have a question, and this one is appropriate," Piper sneered at Billie, but then sent a questioning glance to Snape at the other side of the table. "Can all of you teleport by that weird cracking sound?"

"You mean apparate?" Hermione questioned, although Piper sensed a challenging undertone.

She nodded carefully, "Sure, that."

Hermione answered, "A witch or wizard can apparate and disapparate as long as they have a wand."

This time Piper nodded and worriedly stared off at the table.

"Something wrong?" Tonks asked lightly.

Both Paige and Piper looked at each other before Paige answered. "We think we heard that weird crack sound thingy right before we walked through the portal to here."

The room quieted completely after that. Most Order members stared at Severus, whereas others were still gawking at Paige.

Suddenly, bright blue and white lights appeared above the youngest Charmed One, and some large, rectangular object plummeted out of the cluster of orbing lights. It landed right in front of Paige, who sat appalled and frozen along with Minerva and Phoebe who sat next to her.

"Um... that's our coven book," she whispered before clutching the Book of Shadows protectively.

()(/)()

Having another dangerous object nearly bludgeon people was not the most preferable way to carry on an important meeting on the broken laws of nature. But, it did prompt the discussion towards undefined laws of magic, such as lag from universe to universe. All dinner guests learned that Paige had called the book to their world just two hours ago. That said, it was now obvious that their worlds were connected in more than one way – especially if someone presumably from Harry Potter Land had apparated into the manor as the witches had left. All in all, the group felt more comfortable in their still-awkward situation while more mysteries were coming to light.

The meeting ended shortly after, another one set the week before Hogwarts began. The members not residing in Grimmauld Place said their goodbyes to _Harry Potter_ characters and _Charmed _witches alike before setting off to their homes. Bill and Fleur decided to disapparate to Shell Cottage for the night, leaving the rest of the group to sleep and absorb all the information exchanged that night.

As the house was cleared with extra guests, Piper walked up to Mrs. Weasley. The redheaded mother of several looked away from Arthur cautiously.

"Mrs. Weasley, right?"

"Oh, call me Molly."

"Alright, Molly." Piper spared a nervous glance to Arthur before looking down at the floor of the living room and back up to Molly. "I was hoping to speak to you and Ron for a minute." Piper caught Molly's eyes noticeably darken.

"Sure," she nodded nonetheless. A minute later, the lanky teen and his mom were stood alone in the kitchen with Piper

"I need to apologize to the both of you for what happened earlier."

"It's okay," Ron said.

The look his mother gave him said otherwise.

Piper sighed, knowing she didn't need Phoebe's empathy powers to know what Molly was feeling. "I have two sons of my own, Molly. I understand what it's like to see them in danger, or to see them hurt. I honestly did not mean to blow up the door or anybody. I'm just... frazzled with all that's going on. Really, I'm sorry. I promise it won't happen again."

A moment of silence hung between the three of them. Ron was already convinced that the American witches of _Charmed_ meant no harm and that his accident was merely an... accident. He knew that his mother wasn't entirely placated yet. The woman in question appeared to be studying Piper for a long time. She was good at reading people; she saw a good, sincere person. She couldn't ignore that fact over the silly incident that has been played out for way too long.

"I forgive you, Piper. I'm sorry this happened, too."

Piper smiled a dazzling smile. "Thank you. I'm going to go to bed now. See you both tomorrow."

Piper left the two Weasleys behind to silently agree that everything was cool for the moment. Until...

"Mum, do we have any leftovers?"

"Ronald, you had three servings of supper – and the leftovers on Hermione's plate."

"I'm still a bit peckish, though."

Mrs. Weasley rested her hand on his shoulder. "Drink a few goblets of water. You'll survive until breakfast tomorrow."

"Alright, alright."

()(/)()

_Malfoy Manor, that same evening_

Bellatrix Lestrange sauntered into Malfoy Manor's large dining room with the ridiculously long table and several chairs, which were occupied by ridiculously dressed people. Looking none-too subtle herself, clad in her custom black dress and corset combo, she towered over the chair that overlooked the whole room.

"Pleasure to see you all," she began gently.

"Where's our Lord?" a generic death eater asked from down the line of chairs. Bellatrix's left eye twitched, and the person who asked shivered and recoiled in his chair.

"Busy," she said shortly. At the current moment, if she was remembering right, he was re-viewing the last episode of season three of _Charmed_. He was indeed very busy... very busy crying over one of those stupid witch's death. He had claimed he was laughing (because laughing and crying can kind of sound the same), but she actually saw some tears glisten down his unnaturally pale face before he shooed her out. She took that time to call a long overdue Death Eater meeting. The sad part was there was no interjection from her Dark Lord for doing so.

She currently stood watching her fellow followers look up at her with wondering eyes. She was at center stage, and they were all hers...

"Now, you're all probably wondering why our Lord is not present with us." To that, she received several nods of agreements. "Well it's none of your bloody business what he does with his life!" Her shrill voice once again simultaneously scared the living daylights out of people as well as caught their full attention. She straightened up, placing her pale hands upon the top of the chair she stood over. "I've taken it upon myself to – "

About eight chairs down from her, left side of the table, a hand rose above all of the heads. The owner leaned forward, revealing none other than her "favorite," Yaxley. His fellow Death Eaters stared at him.

"Yes?" Bellatrix asked through gritted teeth.

"I've heard rumors about our Lord."

Bellatrix curved her lips into a daring smirk, her left hand sliding undetected from the chair and to her side. "Oh?"

He nodded, his stupid hand still in the air. "I heard he's been doing something we're not supposed to."

"Did he hug an attractive blonde boy?" Another piped from the other side of the table.

"No, but that might be next!"

Draco visibly stiffened at that next comment.

The room erupted into arguments and agreements, concerned comments and ones of pity, until Bellatrix drew her wand. Not all Death Eaters were as whipped as she would have liked, but they all hushed immediately upon seeing her curved weapon of torture.

"Enough." Her voice was soft and full of lulling deception. "None of you shall talk ill of our Lord. The fact that I have to remind you all is ridiculous." The comforting tone contorted into a dangerous hiss. "I've taken it upon myself to salvage our Lord's reputation using any means necessary... even if that means 'tending' to my own, disloyal kind." Her trademark dark, disturbed eyes roamed over the motionless group of evil witches and wizards before her. They softened only when they met the eyes of her sister and nephew next to her. Still, the two remained stiff with apprehension caused by her.

"I'm giving orders now until told otherwise by our Lord." She paused, daring anyone to challenge her when she had her devious wand ready. "Good. Now then," her lips curled into a sick smile, "let's discuss spies."

* * *

Cue dramatic music! No, don't. It's okay. It has been awhile. Sorry for the several months wait. I swear, I will never again post an in progress story.

In other news, I've come to terms with my amateur knowledge of _Harry Potter_. That's more of a declaration to allow me to accept this and let any readers know this.

I have a few ideas for the next chapter (which will hopefully be up by the end of this month or early next month), but I've almost given up on this story to pursue other projects. Just a warning, this is no longer my main priority, but it's still on my writer's mind.

Thank you for reading and for your patience :)

*_Maudit _supposedly means "damn" in French. I had to use Google Translate...

**Ozher is supposed to be Fleur's pronunciation of "other"


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